THE MISSING LINK

Experts searching for the Giant Sheep eating cat known as the 'Beast of Bodmin'believe they may have found the missing link in their search for the killer.
Over recent years there have been numerous sightings of 'UCO's'- Unidentified cat-like objects - in the Bodmin area, and Home office officials have launched an official investigation.
Monster pundits believe giant cats released from private Zoo's are now breeding in the wild. But another expert is convinced that alcohol may hold the key to the mystery.
For Professor Riddle believes witnesses who report seeing 'Giant Cats' could simply be ripped to the tits on booze.
Riddle, professor of mysterious things at the university of life, caused a storm in a controversial teacup earlier in the year, when he suggested that everyone who had seen the Loch Ness Monster, was probably shit-faced at the time.
He was also involved in a public row with TV naturalist David Attenborough whom he accused of 'talking out of his arse' after Attenborough suggested a giant form of ape, known as the Yeti, may well exist in the back streets of Glasgow.
Bodmin farmers were quick to scoff at Professor Riddles theory "How do ee explain moi dead sheep then?" one demanded to know.
Controversial Professor Riddle dismissed all farmers as 'Sheep Shaggers' and refused to comment any further.