Dear Dr Rowan
I am a nun in a closed order and married to our Saviour Lord Jesus Christ, but have recently embarked on an affair with another deity.
I am 28 years old, my husband is 2010, and we have been married for nearly 12 years. At first our marriage was great. I prayed for my husband and his Father five times a day, and I was filled with the sure and certain hope of the resurrection.
A few weeks ago however, I was in the convent Television room watching a documentary on Poseidon, Greek God of the Sea. He was being drawn across the sea in a chariot, by brazen hoofed horses, attended by triton's and nymphs. I am ashamed to say that he looked good with no shirt on holding his trident firmly in his hand. At prayer later that day, I found myself thinking about Poseidon instead of Jesus.
Now I cant get him out of my head and am praying to him up to 10 times a day. My husband is omniscient, so he is bound to find out sooner or later, and mighty shall be his wrath.
I still care for Jesus, but cant help my feelings for Poseidon. I feel so guilty and confused. What can I do?
SISTER X
Dear Sister X.
The flames of Satan's inferno are stoked with Souls such as yours..Those people who have worshiped graven images and supernatural deities. Pray to Jesus bedtime and confess your affair with this Greek .
Jesus will forgive you as he is infinitely merciful. You can then draw a line under this whole episode and get back to working on your marriage.
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Dear Sister,
ReplyDeleteif you happen to be reading this between prostrating yourself in guilt...
Greek? You are having a Shirley Valentine moment clearly.
I think you are confused due to your unconsummated state and one failed fried egg too many. Your best bet would be to stuff Jesus he's a Polygamist.
Go on a nice Adventure with yer actual Greek chap Poseido' and return to Blighty, becoming a Nun On The Run...
The flames licking up around your Arse are all in your mind...They won't even keep you warm at night.
Your real calling should be your womanhood manifesting in your groin...Frustrated Nuns do knuckles with rulers rap...
In short go off...More fun less Nun...
Pammy. The Product of a Woman scarred by a Nun's Frustration...