ARE YOU NEAR THE END?

"Its so nice to know that you won't end up being buried by the Council. On a Land-fill site..In a bin liner.

Now is the time to make sure that your Earthly remains aren't dealt with as over-sized roadkill by the relevant authorities.
The Riddle-Life Guaranteed over 50 Scheme is a special low cost insurance scheme for the soon to pop their cloggs, designed to help them get planted like civilised Human beings.

"In a proper hole too, all to your lonesome. Not a bull dozed in to a large pit dug out by a cretin on a JCB, just one of a great knobbly mound of tangled bodies. I cant end up like that, with soil in my Golden hair"

NO MEDICAL REQUIRED - so it doesn't matter if your about to die at any second!

No medical is required because, to be honest, the contracts are all loaded so comfortably in our favour that if you peg out too early for us to show a tidy profit, your bereaved relatives get next to fuck all..We win, obviously, but you think you win, which is a vital aspect of the service we provide.

"We think we win, but don't" Says happy but daft bereaved relative, Gladys Smith of Dorset.

Gladys doesn't like the thought of council necrophiliacs having access to her unprotected openings..DO YOU?...Please consider the plan..

DON'T FORGET, MANY NECROPHILIACS WORK FOR THE COUNCIL.

Stay alive for ten years and youll get enough for a plot; another decade and a hearse becomes affordable; make it through thirty and you get the works - tombstone, wreath and a big pile of tuna sandwiches...Oh yes and the clock, the free bloody clock...Lets not forget the very expensive looking bloody clock.

"The Clock is nice and I stare at it as I comb my lovely matted hair" says Gladys of Dorset.

We'll even send you the clock early, which looks costly but is worth only a few pence, so you can watch your final seconds tick away...