RIDDLES RUBBISH

I would like to introduce you lucky lot to My latest line in defective goods as advertised on QVC...

1. The Twat Hat!..Yes look like a double twat in my 2 in 1 TWAT HAT!
Why waste money on two separate shite hats, when you can achieve the same effect with my stunning all-in-one unit.
BALACLAVA MODE.. Just Oozes that 'Special Needs' quality, complete with protruding visor section adding that extra touch of daftness.
DROOPY SIDE EAR WARMER MODE.. Say no more.

2. My Rodent Skinned Uppers Loafers!..These are the cheapest pair of loafers you will ever see in your life!..They are incredibly light too, and do you know why they are so light..Neither do I..
Although it could be something to do with the fact that I only use incredibly cheap materials. Thats also why they may look a little weird until you get used to them. We just couldn't seem to bend them into the right shape..The soles are really smart though, very trendy..Just try not to walk around too much though, as they're prone to exploding..But don't let that put you off ..Just look at the price...LOOK AT THE DAMN PRICE!

3. Let the nightmare begin with my HUNGRY TIMBER WOLVES BED SPREAD.
Ever fancied Lying flat on your back with a pack of hungry wolves on top of you?..Well fancy no more...Its every young childs worst dream... and now you can bring their nightmares vividly to life with my Timber Wolf bedspread and matching pillow case set..Your kids wont be wetting their beds anymore...They'll be too busy shitting!