Tuesday, 25 August 2009

Victorian Riddlemans Agony Column

MP IS FATHER OF MY CHILD

Dear Victorian Riddleman;
I am in big trouble, and I don't know what to do. I am an 18-year-old Chambermaid, working in a large house in Westminster. My employer an important member of parliament, has been making improper demands on me for several months and I now find I am going to have his baby.
He has told me to get rid of it and threatened me with dismissal if I don't. But I want to keep the child. Please help me, Victorian Riddleman, I am confused. What should I do for the best?
Sally, London.

You must do as your employer says and terminate your confinement. If you do not do this, and you are dismissed, you will undoubtedly end up in bad circumstances. Your baby will be put in the workhouse, get Rickets and eventually freeze to death in the snow, whilst you will be locked up in a lunatic asylum and spend the next forty years picking Oakum. More importantly, the Child's Father will suffer irreparable damage to his reputation.
I am sending you my free leaflet for unmarried pregnant Women, which explains how to drink a bottle of Gin, take a hot bath and throw yourself down the cellar steps.

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