Dear Doctor
On a recent trip to Ghana, I contracted Necrotising Ebola. It is a particularly aggressive infection, and is working its way up my leg. The Doctors say they can stop it with powerful antibiotics, but I believe that using medicines is interfering with Gods will, and I have decided to pray instead. How should I do it?
Conrad Trellis, Raith
Dr Williams replies
I agree that medicines are interfering with the Lords plan. If he had wanted us to use antibiotics, he would have made them grow on trees to be picked like apples. I recommend that you pray thee times a day after meals. But you must do it properly with your eyes shut. If you dont get any better in a few days, you may need to try more powerful prayor and shut your eyes even tighter.
Dear Doctor
I am a 56 year old, and have been diagnosed with prostate cancer, despite having been a chaste Church goer all my life. I read a recent report which stated that this cancer was less prevalent in men who masturbate regularly from an early age. It seems rather unfair that God should put people such as Cliff Richard and the Pope himself at risk, whilst the likes of Peter Stringfellow and Martin Clunes are rewarded with some measure of protection from this disease.
Harold Steptoe, Pately Bridge
DR Williams Replies
Yes, on the face of it, it may seem unfair, but just consider how much richer your life has been because you have never touched yourself 'under the bridge.'
You may be taken twenty years before your time, but the Lord will Bless you with life everlasting, whereas the the fornicators and onanists will live a life long and full of carnal pleasures, but face an eternity of agony and suffering. So its swings and roundabouts really.
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