FICTIONALISED UNION GONK RAMS FINGER OF SUSPICION AT PM BROWN'S FACIAL PARTS

Fast greying Prime Minister Gordon Brown, stands accused of outright traitorism - by an angry trade union kingpin of advanced years and immense body-weight.

Ted Mug, 87, Veteran President of the 'National Union of Unaffiliated Gaffers Associates and Handlers (or NUUGAAH, pronounced like the top deck of a Mars bar) spewed his blast last Friday from a beige Mini parked along side his Suffolk bungalow.
Mug, still 87, yesterday repeated his stance, and went further, adding the word 'bastard' to it, while jumping up and down on his lounge carpet.

Poised in mid-air he said: "I first suspected the whiff of betrayal when I heard that Brown had bust his tits to help an offshore foreign business-leech scoop up the Rumanian steel game."
Mr Mug now 88, produced a wax sculpture of Limitriali Mittalski, the Globally tax-free tycoon whose US branch shelled out dosh by the bin load in a successful bid to persuade then US President George 'Special needs' Bush, to help screw what remained of Britain's tired steel industry into the mire.
"Were there no UK businesses capable of nabbing into this plumptious opportunity?
"You remember, the sort who pay tax and create jobs in THIS Country. The sort entitled to expect the Prime Minister to beaver away on their behalf?"
At that moment there was a knock at the door, followed by a batter at the door, then finally the sound of the door being smashed off its hinges. Seconds later four burly coppers loomed largely into the lounge and pinned Mug to the wall.

After ten minutes this pinning became impossible to maintain, owing mainly to the Union mans blobulous 35 stone frame, so they changed tack and pinned him to the floor instead.
Gasping for air under the coppers' combined weight, and now suddenly 93, Mug resumed his controversial spout.
"The final straw came when I heard he'd spent ten hours on bent knee begging the Belgian Government o allow Siggy Siggmundsiggyson, the Danish Teapot King to take over their National Teapot industry."
Siggmundsiggyson, who last year paid a single Penny in tax on an income larger than South America's, wears an affro hair-do and a beard that defies logic.
At this point the men flattening Mug advised him that if he were to continue his rant, they would be obliged to give him a full body massage with their night sticks. Mug, however, who appeared to be dying, could not be stopped.
He spluttered: "This is a man who, only two months ago torched the last Teapot factory in the Highlands."

It seemed inevitable that Mug was set to explain how this blaze had claimed some 232 jobs, costing 3,789 Teapots, and ended approximately 1400 lives (plus Kilts), but before he could do so the meaty Pigs began whopping him with unfettered joy.
On average he aged two years with each thump, and by the time they had finished their stick work, he had aged enough to remember a time when the Pyramids were just Pyramints, and Attila the Hun, was just plain old Attila the Huggies-filler.
Not that he was in any state to start reminiscing. In fact, all he could manage was a soft burble.
A brown flower bloomed on the seat of his jogging pants...The follow through of Death. Mugs career as well as his life was over.

Prime Minister Brown was quick to dismiss Mug's accusations of traitorisation, as the ramblings of a dying Communist. In fact, from his body language at the press conference (hand stands) it was clear he no longer gave a flying fuck what any body really thought anymore.